God is not a board game

 "Sometimes we're pushing on the door we want God to open, while his sign says 'Pull'" Martha Bolton

I thrive on organized chaos. To see my room, you would say "he's not very organized", but the truth is I know where every little thing is within my room. I thrive on plans. I've always been told live each day like it's your last, so I try to get as much into one day as I can. This is why I struggle so much with the plan God has for me and my future. These struggles for me often lead to what I call little quarter life crises of faith. Now that's not saying I question my faith, but I simply realize that I'm stepping out on faith and letting God guide me. This scares me to death. Ideally in my world I need a road map. I mean it sounds really dramatic, but I want and crave life's version of a board game. I want God to tell me "You've accepted that I have set you aside to serve my people, now go here". When it comes to faith and going where God wants me to go I'd even settle for my organized chaos. I don't need to see the plans for me, but I need to know what and where they are. What i've come to accept in my life is that by living is this life of Christian faith, I must accept that neither the board game or organized chaos are promised. I'm not comfortable with it, but I'm growing to understand that it's essential part of truly stepping out on faith and trusting that God is in control. It seems like the last bastion of myself that I'm holding on to. It's me saying I'll follow you but only if you show me where to go and only if I agree to go that way. In the course of any kind of Christian community you'll probably more than once be asked in a group if anyone has a favorite verse and what it is. I've heard Jeremiah 29:11 more times than I can count.I often have to remind myself that while the Lord promises to prosper, it's not without bumps and turns along the way. I have resorted to simply looking for God and praying for that peace and understanding which only God can produce. This is not something that is easy. I hate relinquishing control especially without some sibilance of what the future holds, but I'm slowly learning I must let go of this control and be unafraid to step into the unknown in order to grow into the man God wishes for me to be.

Have I done all I can?

This is the great question for me. I'm well secure in my salvation and feel that blessed assurance of my soul, so my question then becomes when the time comes that God calls me home will I have done all I can for the kingdom of Heaven? I often read the story of John Wesley's death with great affection. Not because Wesley died, but because as Wesley laid in bed dying, he still fought the fight for God's Kingdom and God's people. As one of (and some say his final) acts before death, John Wesley wrote this to Willam Wilberforce:

Dear Sir:

Unless the divine power has raised you up to be as “Athanasius against the world,” I see not how you can go through your glorious enterprise in opposing that execrable villainy, which is the scandal of religion, of England, and of human nature. Unless God has raised you up for this very thing, you will be worn out by the opposition of men and devils. But if God be for you, who can be against you? Are all of them stronger than God? O be not weary of well doing! Go on, in the name of God in the power of His might, till even American slavery (the vilest that ever saw the sun) shall vanish away before it.

Reading this morning a tract wrote by a poor African, I was particularly struck by the circumstance, that a man who has black skin, being wronged or outraged by a white man, can have no redress; it being a LAW in our Colonies that the OATH of a black man against a white goes for nothing. What villainy is this!

That He who has guided you from youth up may continue to strengthen you in this and all things is the prayer of, dear sir,

Your affectionate servant,

John Wesley

William Wilberforce was a member of the British Parliament actively engaged in the quest to end slavery within the British Empire. This letter to him written by Wesley was written only 6 days before Wesley himself died. Wesley a long time Abolitionist wrote his final letter in an attempt to encourage someone he viewed as working for the betterment of God's kingdom. I find it so mesmerizing because I can only pray that God develops such willpower in me. There are times that I could choose to encourage or uplift someone but I rather just sit aside and relax. I pray that God develops my heart so that when I'm breathing my last breath, I can pass on words of encouragement to those still fighting the good fight for God's Kingdom here as I head towards that house not made with human hands. 

Blue Like Jazz

In case you haven't heard one of my favorite books ever has been made into a movie by Steve Taylor. The official movie website for the Blue Like Jazz: The Movie website is now up and running. I've posted the trailer below. To say that this book and well Donald Miller in general have encouraged me along my faith journey would be a massive understatement. This book led me to Donald Miller's writings which eventually led me to Father Fiction. Donald's words about dealing with growing up without a father helped me to deal with some of my own issues of childhood abandonment. I can't recommend the book enough and if the trailer is any indication the movie will be just as great. Check it out. It's coming out April 13th, 2012

Lenten Reflections

"Never have human beings done anything so dark as to condemn,torture, and then crucify the Son of God, and yet Jesus prayed for them A they were in the midst of their sin,asking that they may receive mercy"

Lenten Thoughts: Ash Wednesday

"The Gospels focus is not on sin; sin is simply the diagnosis. The Gospels focus in on the cure, which is God's grace and gift of salvation. It is heart surgery conducted by a divine physician who laid download his life for us." Adam Hamilton "Final Words from the cross

Valentine's Day Update

It's Valentines Day which for me means laundry. Now when I say laundry I don't mean I sit there and watch my clothes wash. I mean I play music and dance around the house while listening to said music regardless of how good or bad I dance. Here's what I'm listening to right now. It's a great song to dance along to from my boys Tedashii and Lecrae. It's off Tedashii's album "Blacklight" if you haven't bought it pick it up here or here.

Why I chose the United Methodist Church or why It chose me

Well I've taken a break but now I'm back. My friend Brittny asked me if I could offer her any information about the Methodist Church. Being the Methodist Nerd that I am, I gladly mailed her about 5 books. This brought me to revisit a question I've often been asked. Why the United Methodist Church? Now this question probably wouldn't occur nearly as often, had I not had the distinction of coming to the UMC from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints or The Mormons. Before I get to the UMC let me discuss why my mother and I left the Mormon Chuch. My family has never been overly religious. We may have went to church on Sunday we may have missed it. It wasn't a big deal to my family. When we got more diligent about going, my mother quickly realized the Mormon Church was no longer for us. The final straw for us was spending a worship service sitting at the back of the Church with no actual worship going on. The "worship" for the day was an entire family Father, Mother, and three children got up and in front of the church confessed every little thing they had done wrong that week all the way down to the youngest child. I remember the little one confessing things as simple as not sharing with someone at school. While I believe that admission of sin is an important part of reconciliation with God, something moved inside of us. We left the church never to return. After spending about two months visiting various denominations, we arrived at Gateway United Methodist Church. We were given a loaf of fresh baked banana nut bread by the United Methodist Women's group to welcome us as a visitor to the church. Then after the service came the defining moment of what would become my faith journey so far. Unlike the other denominations ministers, pastors,etc the pastor of this church answered our questions that day. You see the other churches we had visited the pastors all wanted us to make time to come in and talk to them. The pastor of Gateway UMC after greeting everyone changed out of his robes and sat for an hour and a half answering our questions. About 6 months later I was baptized and mine and my mothers request as member of Gateway United Methodist Church and the larger United Methodist Church body. When I ask people why I chose the United Methodist Church, I often assert that God chose it for me and brought us there, but the main difference is the welcoming to visitors regardless of circumstances or past. This continues to be a bright point for me as I serve in various capacities within the church. I see a church that fully embraces the belief that Christ loves you enough to meet you exactly where you are, but loves you too much to just leave you there. The people of the United Methodist Church are actively working and serving in this capacity to meet people wherever they are on their journey of faith and work to create Disciples for the transformation of the world. That is why I am United Methodist.